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Teacher Confuses Student's Essay with Doctor's Note

Noah Finer | Feb 4 2016 | in Humor


Senior Winston Perez was confused when he was excused from class last Monday for a doctor’s note that he never knew about. Mr. Salazar, Perez’s I...

Tissue Mafia Gains Control of Fairview Tissue Market

Michal Olesiak | Feb 3 2016 | in Humor


It used to be plato o plomo (silver or lead), but now during a peak sick season, it has become tissue or lead. Due to necessity ...

Class Questions Sanity After Seven "D" Answers in a Row on Multiple Choice Test

Evan Derby | Jan 29 2016 | in Humor


Students taking Ms. Clemson’s Chapter 3 reading test last Friday had their sanity called into question as they cryptically encountered seven “D” a...

A Late, Late Start

Noah Finer | Jan 25 2016 | in Humor


BVSD has been debating changing Fairview’s starting time from 8:05 a.m. to 8:30 a.m. or 8:45 a.m. For me, though, the time seems absolutely unreas...

Kylo Ren Forms Army of Identically Dressed Junior Boys

Ben Gelderloos | Jan 19 2016 | in Humor


Reports have emerged the Sith Lord Kylo Ren is amassing an army of junior boys clad in uniform down vests, khaki pants, and boat shoes in order t...

Sophmore Self-Diagnoses Himself With Senioritis

Ben Gelderloos | Jan 19 2016 | in Humor


Sophomore Charles Truman announced to his group of friends on Thursday that he had self diagnosed himself with the early symptoms of senioritis an...

Newly Minted 18 Year Olds Lose All Hope After Powerball Drawing

Rachel Grushan | Jan 15 2016 | in Humor


After Wednesday night’s devastatingly huge Powerball drawing, fresh faced 18 year olds everywhere have lost all semblance of hope towards their fu...

Jokes of the Week: December 8th

Benjamin Tarasewicz | Dec 8 2015 | in Humor


What do you get if you cross a policeman and an alarm clock? A crime watch! How did the runaway barber escape from the police? H...

Witnesses Claim Spot of Right Angle Corner in the Halls of Fairview

Ben Gelderloos | Nov 10 2015 | in Humor


The Royal Banner confirmed with witnesses yesterday that they believe they spotted a rare 90-degree angle corner along the walls of Fairview. If t...