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Aardvarks Defeat Knights After Confusion at Fencing Meet

By Carter Hanson in Humor

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SKO' Knights!

Last Monday, the fencing team arrived at a Nederland meet atop huge horses, prepared for a brutal jousting match against the top competitors in the county.

The fencing team had been preparing for months for a joust. Everyday before school, they would go out to the Senior parking lot to do their jousting drills.

“The determination in those kids’ eyes when they thought of being the Crowned Knight in front of their fellow Fairview Knights,” says fencing Coach Adams as he shakes his head, “It was quite a sight.”

When they found out the meet was actually a sword fighting competition instead of a joust, it was a real blow to the squad’s morale. Three students quit and BVSD has cut nearly all funding for the team.

“We just, you know, wanted to be the best. And, uh… It sort of sucked when we messed everything up,” says sophomore Jacob Cresswold.

The team acquired the horses by collecting pencils off of the ground and selling them in a large fundraiser during mid-August. They then spray painted “FHS” in red onto the horses. This was intended to strike fear into the hearts of their adversaries, namely the Altona Aardvarks.

“The Fairview Knights [arrived on their horses] and they kind of freaked us out,” says Aardvark Declan Gureneim, “We were all just like, what’s going on? What are they doing on horses?”

The arrival of the Fairview fencing team was a sight to remember. They charged in atop their great steeds, lances gleaming in the sunlight, and pranced up to the referee’s seat. That was when the referee promptly told the Fairview Knights to “shove off,” though not before the knights could give the whole crowd a fright. Coach Adams himself thought it would be inspirational if he appeared in full armor.

“I guess a mounted knight with an epic lance could be a bit intimidating for a normal person,” shrugs Couch Adams.

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