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First off makes you prettier

By Paige Reisman in Opinion & Politics

I don't have first off. In fact, I have AP Lang Comp, followed directly by IB Calc and then IB Chem. (Please try to control the obvious urge to stalk me now that you know my morning schedule).

I know for a fact that this amount of stress all before noon (which is when my instincts would have me wake up if it weren't for the horrendous buzzing of my alarm each morning) combined with my rushed morning hygiene routine and breakfast on the go can be blamed for the fat dark circles appearing under my eyes and the acne forcing its way onto my face. I know that the minor change of having 1st off would increase my beauty by about 25%. Why? Let me tell you.

  1. The obvious reason is that first off allows one to get more sleep, especially because, as there is no hope to get a halfway decent parking spot anyways, there's no reason to try to arrive early, as one would to get to school at the normal starting time.

  2. The later arrival to school allows more time for makeup and hygiene. I'd assume that 75% of girls with first off have time to apply eyeliner to their lids and lotion to their legs each morning, much different from the 40% of girls without first off.*

  3. Due to the inevitably large distance the parking spot of a person with first off would face, they would automatically burn that many more calories, and therefore be that much healthier ( in return, prettier), than the person with a first period class who got fab four.

*Approximate statistics

[caption id="attachment_5284" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="By Megan DeBruyn"][/caption]

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