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Moronic Class Misinterprets a Crime as Comedy

By Patrick Stachniak in Humor

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Dramatic Reenactment

This past Friday, a class in the 600 hall laughed at noises outside the hall, as usual, just as a freshman was mugged outside their door.

“We were all trying to take a test, when all of a sudden, something big thudded against the wall,” said Junior Jesse Stevens. “Everyone giggled, but we only started laughing for real when we heard the person whine in pain.”

The class continued to laugh, despite nothing funny actually happening; even APUSH teacher Mr. Reynolds began to smile.

“It’s good to laugh in class every once and awhile, especially when something that funny happens.” said Reynolds.

Reynolds finally intervened and closed the door, laughing the entire time. “These distractions need to be kept short” said Reynolds. Especially when said disturbance is completely devoid of any real humor.

However, the large thud had actually been freshman George McCarthy.

“I was walking down the hall when a man in a ski mask shoved me up against a wall and told me to give him my school store cookies,” McCarthy said, , “I heard people laughing and I cried out for help, but they just laughed harder.”

The mugger absconded and ran away with the cookies, but not before knocking McCarthy to the floor.

“I was right in front of the door and was screaming for their help”, said McCarthy. ”I couldn’t understand why they kept laughing.”

When asked why he didn’t help, Stevens said “Well, he screamed like a girl, and I couldn’t help but laugh.” he paused to laugh again. “Plus his flailing body had made this hilarious ‘ker-thump’ sound” said Stevens.

The mugger was caught soon after and the cookies were taken by police as evidence. Despite the class’s apology, McCarthy still feels anger towards the class and the school. He had only one message for them:

“You idiots will laugh at anything.”

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