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Proposal for a Quarter-Second-Video-Sharing App

By Noah Finer in Humor


Vine has always been a prominent app for sharing only six seconds of content to the world and has grown tremendously. With new introductions with apps like Beme, which allows for two to ten second videos, it seems our society is dramatically changing. But what if there was an app that could keep up with our quickly changing society and share videos just 1/4th of a second long?

“[Vine] really loses the classic mood of aesthetic film, as in, a long drawn-out way to tell a story with very deep plot [and] deep characters. It’s just [...] six seconds of laugh[ter],” said freshman Karl Peterson.

And that’s the point! In our modern-day society, who needs long, drawn-out boring films when we actually need to be entertained with something something far shorter. We need an app this app shares videos 1/4th of a second long!

“Isn’t that just like sharing pictures?” said junior Roland Moellenberg.

Moellenberg is correct, as the 1/4th videos will be shared like pictures, just like how YouTube shares videos as Flickr shares pictures. The app will also have an absolutely ingenious name: s (pronounced “s”, not “es”).

“I think people would just say ‘Yo, did you see my video on es and not s,” said senior Max Gelband 

But if people know about the app, which is certain with my secret plan, they’ll be able to know that the name is pronounced “s” and not “es.” And some students are already incredibly enthusiastic to dive into the world of 1/4th of a second media

“If I got really bored, maybe,” said sophomore Talia Brennan.

Brennan saying “maybe” means that there is a potential for using the app during points of boredom, and as most high schoolers get bored often, students like Brennan are certain to use the app at one point! Some students will even use it right away!

“Anything to waste my time,” said sophomore Allaina Glennon.

Unfortunately, there’s a little bit of misunderstanding in the student body on the purpose of the app.

“I don’t think you can get very much out of [s], it’s just a picture,” said freshman Madison Ausley.

s is far more than just an app of pictures. Pictures take time to look at and admire, while s shoves quarter-second videos in your face, one after another! Some students already believe the idea has great potential to become a serious app in the future. Already, potential investors have given me incredible valuations of s.

“I’d [value] it [at] like a hundred, a couple hundred,” said sophomore Samuel Rosenbaum.

When I first came up with the idea, I never imagined it could ever be worth any money, but a hundred bucks is probably enough to create it! But whoever doubts the app doubts pure creativity and innovation and therefore is a lunatic. s is sure to be a hit and my secret plan is even already obvious to some of its future customers.

“It will definitely get media attention,” said Peterson.

And that’s all s needs to sell! Whatever gets on the news for being a strange product like Peeple and other apps, will get downloaded by the masses. s is certain to be bigger than Vine in no time and our attention spans will go down faster than crude oil’s price. It’s impossible to stop our attention spans from going below six seconds and falling into 1/4th of a second, giving s more customers!

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