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S.O.S. Sticky Note Rivals Planning Revenge Strike

By Maya Jayachandra in Humor

BREAKING NEWS: In light of the sticky notes adorning the school last Wednesday, courtesy of Sources of Strength, a threat has been issued to all of Fairview High School’s sticky-note-capable surfaces.

An anonymous tip was received earlier today at 0600 hours that Sources of Strength’s lesser known rival, Sources of Weakness, would be striking back in an act of vengeance this Thursday, April 17th.

“[Sources of Weakness] has spies in the school, I swear, man. They’re going to get a bunch of black sticky notes and write on them with glitter pens and stuff, but it’s not going to be all cute and Bible phrase-y like yesterday. I heard they were going to write stuff like… ‘may all your binders not close properly and explode in the student center.’ I’m telling you, man, this is legit,” the source said.

Other possible sticky notes the source named were

You suck at parking more than the average Fairview student. That favorite band you think makes you look not-so-supportive of commercialism and mainstream pop? Yeah, they have a huge following every. You’re going to lose all your mechanical pencils next period. The King Soopers Starbucks is going to close soon. Your prom date’s color scheme will be 0.3% more green than yours. You'll only get into seven of the eight Ivy League colleges. Sorry.

In light of this possibility, students are encouraged to report to the front office about any possible information they may possess.

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