Sign In

Senior Motivation

By Ben Gelderloos in Humor

Second-semester senior Jacob Branut reported in a press conference yesterday that he had experienced a long-foreign fit of motivation to work in his third period class. This comes after his rapidly declining work ethic began to bottom out as he waited for college acceptance letters.

“I don’t know what came over me,” Branut said, “I was just sitting there thinking about how I should really work hard on this one LA project and then I did! It was incredible.”

While the feeling only lasted a moment, Branut recognized that it was an eye-opening experience to the past life he had in his first three and a half years of high school.

“I only worked for about five minutes,” said Branut, “I can’t believe that I used to do that all the time.”

His classmates, who were unenthused about using mind power to answer questions, reported that the occurrence caught them off guard.

“I dunno,” said senior Juan Bulgar, “He was just sitting there like the rest of us and then he worked, I guess. Whatever.”

Such an occurrence is extremely rare and if it does occur, most victims forget about it as they return to their standard vegetative state. Professionals regard this as an emotional relapse into an underclassman.

“Most seniors who feel inspiration are feeling a distinct desire to relive their junior, sophomore, or freshman years and the lack of negative repercussions they might receive for not doing their work,” said psychologist Harley Coplain. “Instead of just thinking about it, they actually become motivated like their past selves.”

Branut’s teacher, Richard Hankerton, who had given Branut’s class the assignment at the beginning of the period, found the shift in attitudes to be a pleasant change to an otherwise uneventful day.

“At first I was like ‘what the heck is going on,’” he said, “but it was easy to get used to. If just 50%, who am I kidding, 5%, of the students actually worked, class could be so much more productive.”

At the end of the press conference, Branut stopped answering questions as he fell asleep and later woke up to hurry to his 6th period class that had begun 10 minutes earlier.

Share this story: