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Sophmore Self-Diagnoses Himself With Senioritis

By Ben Gelderloos in Humor


Sophomore Charles Truman announced to his group of friends on Thursday that he had self diagnosed himself with the early symptoms of senioritis and most likely had anywhere from 18 to 22 months before he lost all sense of motivation. “I started to recognize the symptoms last February,” Truman said, “and then procrastinated a few months before I tried to figure out what was going on. That was how I knew….” Truman, who insists that he is not a genuinely lazy person, is exceptionally young to be affected by a condition that has been known to have devastating impacts on exclusively the Senior class. “I consider myself lucky,” Truman continued. “Realizing that I am afflicted by this so early means that I will be able to try and fight it by complaining to my friends about my lack of motivation.” Some professionals have postulated that the emergence of the symptoms are tied with acceptance into college, but Charles Truman’s case could prove that theory wrong. “If what Mr. Truman has been continuously stating to his friends is correct, we would have to view that way we see this disease in a completely new way,” said Harvard researcher John Goodall. However, some have expressed doubt as to whether or not Truman is actually experiencing senioritis or just faking it. “How convenient is it that as soon as he has a major assignment due that requires you to not procrastinate, he claims to have a debilitating disease,” said science teacher Bill Krakowniskinski. “I’m just saying that it has some good timing.” Truman has claimed to feel no motivation, have trouble focussing in class, and procrastinate constantly in the face of looming assignments. While these are all symptoms of the disease, they could also be characteristic of generally not doing well at school. “All I can say is that everybody now sees me as one cool, irresponsible guy,” said the sophomore. “Even if my grades are tanking, I’m still doing fine.”

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