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Students create new "Miracle Burger"

By Henry Larson and David Hirschhorn in Humor


DENVER, CO - A team of students in 5th period IB Biochemistry/Independent Study class have announced their latest project, a Dairy free, Gluten free, Protein free, GMO free and taste free hamburger.

“After 18 months of research and planning, I think that it really is time to show what we have created.” says senior Jerome “The Gnome” Walsh.

The student’s product, known as the “Emptee” in science circles, is revolutionary due to its use of NH (or Nitrogen and Hydrogen) as a substitute for meat.

Walsh’s partner, Sarah Lauren, focused on the building process of the product.

“We used a mixture of 3D printers and empty tupperware containers to store the materials needed, then we added the ‘bun’” says Lauren.

The teams so called “bun” is actually CH3FL(or Chlorine Trifluoride). While toxic, they say that the compound adds a much needed kick to the product.

Unfortunately, the students says that they have had trouble marketing the burger.

“It’s odd, but it seems as though nobody wants to buy food they can’t see (or taste),” says Walsh.

Regardless of marketability, these students have gone above and beyond in the creation of their new food product.

“This is just the first step, I can’t wait to move on to hot dogs next!” says Lauren.



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