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Teacher Confuses Student's Essay with Doctor's Note

By Noah Finer in Humor


Senior Winston Perez was confused when he was excused from class last Monday for a doctor’s note that he never knew about. Mr. Salazar, Perez’s IB LA 12 teacher, was also confused when Perez’s essay on Heart of Darkness was never turned in.

“It was strange, since Winston has always been on top of his work. When I couldn’t find his essay turned in, I was worried that something happened to him. I thought the doctor’s note explained why he didn’t turn anything in,” said Salazar.

After Perez arrived to class the next day and a meeting with Salazar, they determined that Perez’s handwriting was so horribly bad that Salazar mistook it for a doctor’s note, which always has unreadable handwriting.

“When I first saw the essay, Winston’s name was the only thing I recognized. I assumed that the rest was just written by a doctor about something relating to him being sick.” said Salazar.

After meeting with Mr. Salazar and fishing the essay out of the trash, Perez received his grade after reading out loud it to Salazar. But the affair brought up larger questions.

“I think my handwriting is fine and I’ve always read it without a problem, but I’m now seeing why I had so many unexcused absences that I never knew about,” said Perez.

But the situation isn’t all bad for Perez. Students have been trying to pay Perez large sums of money in hopes of getting free doctor’s appointments.

“I’ve intentionally made my handwriting horrible before to make my low-effort content impossible for teachers to read, but making it look like a doctor’s note is unheard of.” said senior Viola Reese, “Winston has a special talent and I’ve already paid him $250!”

Even teachers are attempting to use services from Perez. Billy Patterson, a data analysis at BVSD, reported large spike in teacher absences due to illnesses since Perez’s essay.

“Around six teachers at any school in BVSD are absent on any given day, all due to doctor’s notes that appear to be from the same doctor, though it’s impossible to determine if they’re fraud or not due to the horrid handwriting being so accurate,” said Patterson.

Unfortunately, Perez may be soon in trouble as local pharmacies have reported an increase in prescriptions with similar handwriting to Perez’s.

“We can’t ever read handwriting in prescriptions, so we just look for whatever drug’s name looks like it matches with those scribbles,” said Pedro Malone, manager of Intersection Pharmacies, “and our future will involve the nearly impossible task of determining which notes are written by legitimate doctors and which are actually Perez’s essays being used by teachers and students.”

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