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Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

By Carter Hanson in Humor


The Chicken in Question Crosses the Road

The immortal question, why did the chicken cross the road, was subject to a heated debate last Tuesday when Dr. Maria Schlupsen clashed with professional chicken impersonator Bobby Bradunkle in the Fairview auditorium.

Since the beginning of time, great leaders and philosophers have battled over this great mystery - Julius Caesar, Genghis Khan, Ivan the Terrible. But none have been as heated as the chaotic deliberation that occurred Tuesday.

The debate was part of a series that aims at answering the great questions of history: why did the turkey cross the road, why did the kiwi cross the road, why did the emu cross the road, and ultimately, why did the chicken cross the road. The later was the chosen question for the debate that took place in Boulder.

“We chose Fairview High School because it’s important for the younger generation to get involved in the field of philosophy. These topics have a profound impact on children and provide the future with dumb questions,” said Chairman Michael Dirkle of the Association of Pointless Philosophical Questions (APPQ).

A crowd of sixteen gathered in the audience and the debate began with the opening statements of Bradunkle and Schlupsen.

“Due to Plaven’s Law of Domesticated Fowl we can project that the intentions of the chicken were indeed to cross the road. The purpose of the mission, as Plaven states, is semi-unknown though some variables may enter into the equation. Let me begin with the fact that the road was made of gravel that had been imported very recently from Northern Argentina. This plays a valuable role in the fact that this gravel was slightly rougher than the gravel that had been imported from Northern Chile a few miles down the road. This proves...” said Schlupsen.

Schlupsen. continued to drown on until, finally, Bobby Bradunkle stepped confidently forward: “Bock bock bock boocck bock boock!”

The crowd erupted in cheers at the astounding words uttered from the beak of the enlightened chicken impersonator. There was no real competition Bobby Bradunkle had bashed bold Schlupsen into defeat.

In the successive days since this incredible event, it has become clear that the few who attended have changed. Though small in number, the Chicken Impersonation Club (CIC) is catching on quick as its membership has grown to three kids.

It is hard to know what the future of the Association of Pointless Philosophical Questions (APPQ) and similar organisations will bring, but if events like the occurence at FHS on Tuesday continue, one day a debate might attract a crowd of twenty people.

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