The professional football season is a very exciting and competitive time of year. Everyone loves to make season predictions based on injury reports, team strategy, player statistics, and coaching staff. I’m going to make a series of predictions for the playoffs based solely on vibes. 

To do this to the best of my limited ability, I had to do some research:

How many teams go to the playoffs in the NFL? Fourteen, seven from the AFC, seven from the NFC.

What are the AFC and NFC? The American Football Conference and the National Football Conference. That one makes no sense to me; aren’t they both National and American?

The current prediction places the Indianapolis Colts as the number 1 seed for the AFC and the Green Bay Packers as the number 1 seed for the NFC. I’m not sure I agree with those predictions, because I don’t like their mascots, so I’m making my own.

AFC: 

1. The Jacksonville Jaguars. They are actually so irrelevant that I didn’t really know this team existed, but hey, you learn something new every day. I like their mascot; jaguars are really cute, and the teal uniforms are honestly such a vibe. Though I do wish their numbers were in a different font, I’m not sure if that’s allowed. If I designed the jerseys, I would make the numbers in a “jaguar” print, which would be very fashionable.
2. The Denver Broncos obviously because, “Go Colorado!” The Broncos finally don’t suck this year, and they beat the Eagles on October 5th, which no one saw coming, but I’ve been told people don’t like Jalen Hurts for some reason. Although their uniforms are honestly very ugly, orange and blue? Seriously, I vote to rename them Finding Dory. Every time I look at the Broncos logo, I just think of Bluecifer, so maybe we should change that, too. There are already enough conspiracy theories about Denver; we don’t need people thinking our football team is cursed.
3. The Indianapolis Colts are actually doing well right now, so they’re probably going to continue doing well. I just hope they don’t make the Super Bowl because I think their uniforms are ugly and they’re just a rip-off of the Dallas Cowboys. Why is their logo a horseshoe? I feel like they could find something so much better. This is definitely a team that should have a horse as their mascot, no? But if you’ve seen their mascot, he looks like a demonic, blue and white Barney the Dinosaur. Seriously, get that poor man a better costume.
4. The Buffalo Bills are going to be the fourth seed because they have a cool home uniform. It’s giving sandwich method, which, as a fashion girl, I love. However, their white one is really gross; I’m not a fan of an all-white outfit personally. Monochrome is no longer trendy, so let’s please move on from it. Also, their logo is a buffalo, but they’re named after Buffalo Bill, who hunted bison. So is the logo actually a bison? Because then they could be renamed the Buffalo Bison, which makes a lot more sense than Bills.
5. The Los Angeles Chargers. What is a charger? Because they’re logo is a lightning bolt in the shape of… a horn? Like lightning bolt horns coming out of their heads. Also, they’re uniforms are really yellow, I’m not a fan of a bunch of giant bananas running around the field. Maybe it could be more of a pastel yellow, which might be less of an assault on my eyes. Their mascot is a man with lightning bolts on the sides of his face. What? His name is Boltman. I don’t even know what to say about that.
6. The Pittsburgh Steelers’ logo looks like the Subaru logo with all the primary colors. Yet, the uniforms are black and neon yellow. It makes absolutely no sense. That’s also a terrible color combination; it looks like rave-style Hufflepuff. Also, what is a steeler? Because you’d assume it’s someone who works with steel, but I found out it also refers to the people who put boning in corsets. The team was named in honor of Pittsburgh’s rich steel industry, but if they wanted to name the team something important about Pittsburgh, they should rename them the Pittsburgh Bridges, because the city has 446 bridges.
7. The New England Patriots. I don’t even have to explain this one. It’s a collective fact that if you don’t like the Patriots, you hate the Patriots. I don’t really know why no one likes them, but it’s been a tradition since Tom Brady, so I guess everyone just collectively decided to hate them. Also, I know their logo is supposed to be a patriot, but it just looks like a pirate wearing a red wig. This team’s whole vibe is a little too ‘Merica for my liking, so this week, they’re at the bottom of the pyramid.

NFC:

1. The Philadelphia Eagles are going to win the Super Bowl, I’m calling it now. Someone should punch me if I turn out to be wrong. I recognize I’m a bit biased. I’m technically an Eagles fan because my dad is from Delaware, which, for some reason, means supporting Philadelphia. Their mascot is a bald eagle named Swoop, and I’m here for it. Take notes, Indianapolis. Their uniforms are a beautiful shade of greenish-blue that I love so much. All in all, no notes, keep doing your thing, Eagles. 
2. The Seattle Seahawks are a pretty promising team. I like all of their uniforms, other than the all neon green one, that one makes me want to throw up, which is funny considering that’s what it looks like. The Seahawks have two mascots: a costume hawk named Blitz, similar to Swoop, and a live Augur hawk named Taima, which is very cool in my opinion.
3. The Los Angeles Rams. Los Angeles has one team in each division with different names but the same colors. They have two teams because, simply put, they can afford it. Their uniforms aren’t that bad except for the atrocious shade of neon yellow that all NFL teams seem to love. Their mascot has a very good costume, and its name is Rampage. Love the word play. I think the Rams are going to do well overall. They give off a good vibe.
4. The Detroit Lions are another team with blue and white as their colors. Theirs is a slightly lighter color, but still blue and white. Their uniforms are not terrible, but I feel like they could do better. Also, what does blue have to do with lions? Their mascot, Roary, looks like his name should be Tyler, and he would be one of those super seniors that’s like, “where my hug at?” This team is not at the bottom, but I think they need to improve a bit.

5.6.7. Ok, honestly, at this point, I’ve run out of judgment. The last three are the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, Green Bay Packers, and the San Francisco 49ers. They’re on the bottom because I don’t like their names.

After careful consideration, my top two NFL teams are the Jacksonville Jaguars and the Philadelphia Eagles. I’ve also realized there is a reason I don’t often write sports stories, but this was a welcome change to my regular routine.